I've been going through a fair bit of emotional stress due to various issues for the past six months, and every now and again it all comes to a head, and the pressure is really on to do something about it. While these said issues are mainly out of my hands and I actually cannot do anything to fix it, I have been finding it especially difficult to handle lately.
About three weeks ago was one of those moments where everything bad / annoying / difficult / stressful happened all at once, and I honestly felt like my body was just shutting down. I spent a whole weekend not doing anything and for about 10 days I was just eating left, right and centre, craving all sorts of foods, and not wanting to do any exercise. Even thinking about getting off my butt was hard.
It was a scary time because I felt like I had no control over anything, and that the old Eszter was making a come back. This is my biggest worry actually. I know 30kgs is not all just going to grow back on, but the fear of undoing all of my hard work is terrifying.
When I first started this journey, I realised food was one of my coping mechanisms when the going got tough. I have managed to get that under control somewhat, but during extreme times of stress, this is still something my body defaults to. Of course emotional eating leads to the guilt cycle and a very unhealthy relationship with food.
I absolutely hate food having such a hold on me. To re-gain control of my life in this aspect, I decided to start logging my calories again. I stopped about four and a half months ago which at the time was a great decision, but what I need now is to take charge and be accountable to myself again, which is one of the reasons why I fell in love with Myfitnesspal in the first place.
No crazy calorie counting though, just keeping a food diary.
Also no weighing myself again. Blah. I'm still very much in the process of rewiring my brain from weight loss mode to only fitness mode.
I've also been struggling a bit with the actual training plan of having to do 2 strength, 2 swim, 2 cycles and 2 runs per week. I'm not going to lie - it's a bit overwhelming. This combined with personal issues is not a great combo, so the plan has been adjusted to focus on two things each month, still doing the other two, but not to the same extent. I think this will help me stay on track without getting too overwhelmed.
Something else I've realised is that I am not enjoying this as much as I thought. Last year when my main focus was going to boot camp and doing Body Attack at the gym, it was never an effort because I loved every minute of what I was doing, this is why I kept going and why I got such great results. I can't say I feel that way about any of what I am doing right now, especially because I have cut back slightly on running since Round the Bays. Sure there are times when cycling/strength training/ swimming feels great, and there have been some great gains, but I don't feel that same level of passion towards any of them as I did last year. Perhaps it's also because this isn't in a group environment (which really works for me) and I feel a bit isolated.
Both of these things is making it quite difficult to maintain motivation. I do want to do it, and I know I need to, but it's still very difficult.
Plan of attack here - more focused training and making it a priority to fit in more Body Attack classes as well as Body Balance which is the yoga/pilates one to help with the relaxation bit. In May I will get back into more running (July half marathon prep), which is something I do actually really like.
While looking for some inspiration I came across this gem:
I guess for me this is the unspectacular preparation part, and I just have to keep going and visualise all the good things that are still coming.
I've just taken another five days off training, ate lots of chocolate and other yummy foods, enjoyed some great relaxation time watching movies on the couch and I actually feel great and refreshed and healthier in my mind than I was a few weeks ago that's for sure.
While it's important to stay on track for your goals, it is also important to take time out for yourself and have those all important "mental health days" when it is all about you :) Manage the stress before it manages you.
I have eight months of training to go, and I can tell it's going to be another rollercoaster ride!!
