I haven't lost motivation or my commitment to myself and my goals, but I've just generally been feeling very down about everything.
Maybe it's because I've reached a couple of big goals and achievements with my 6.5km run and the end of boot camp so now its a bit of a low afterwards, kind of like a "well what do I do now?" feeling, could be stress, tiredness?
The problem is not getting myself to the gym or doing a workout, the biggest problem I think is that I've been experiencing extreme feelings of guilt. I workout 6 days a week, and push myself hard each time, so why I even feel guilty, I don't really know, but I do constantly feel like I haven't done enough exercise on a particular day or week, haven't burnt as many calories as I wanted to, having had a higher calorie intake a couple of times a week, even if its only by a small amount, and just generally feeling guilty because I don't think I've done enough.
The truth is, it's very easy for the obsessive side of my personality to take hold and lose focus of the important things and instead get too caught up on stupid things, and almost pushing too far.. it's a constant do more exercise, burn more calories, eat less etc, and it doesn't take long for the positive things motivating me, to turn into something negative and unhealthy. It's a very fine line between these two.
I've also been realising the advice I give everyone else about their own journey's, I am having trouble applying to myself. I keep trying to remember the smaller victories, why I am doing this, why I can't go back and why I have to keep pushing but it's also really hard not to get into negative thoughts when week after week of hard work, the stupid scales won't budge. Yes of course I know the scales aren't the most important, but its so easy to get caught up in it all. I try to focus on other successes, but they don't always satisfy my 'need to succeed'.
I think I am frustrated because I am so so close to reaching my goal now, but the progress has just slowed down so much, I want to scream. If you're going through what I am, keep in mind..it does slow down towards the end. It becomes a lot harder as your body gets lighter and adapts (it will play tricks on you).
I have to try and stay positive and forgive myself for what I perceive to be bad days and bad weeks. This is why for I decided that for 4 days (day 3 today), to make an effort to relax, take a breather and refresh myself a bit. I haven't done any exercise (the guilty feeling has kicked in of course). I certainly haven't been going crazy with the food, but I am hoping that a couple of days break will help me feel better again next week, so I can keep pushing through.
It is a mostly a happy and positive journey, but there are times when it's not easy and the negativity takes over your mind and its basically just a huge emotional roller-coaster.
Times like this I am especially grateful for the support I have been getting from you all. You inspire me to keep going. Thank you for everything! It really means a lot more to me than you guys could ever know!
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