During the last few weeks I spent a lot of time talking to friends and family and had a really good catch up with my lovely personal trainer Courtney Durr to address the best way forward.
The biggest thing for me right now is to remain positive because being on the negativity train will bring more negativity, self doubt and questioning.
Something I really struggle with in every day life is that I am a worrier, I think about things a lot, over analyse things, think about all of the what ifs for all sorts of scenarios that don't even really matter, sometimes to the point that I stress myself out. I worry about the future, rather than living each day. This has always been a problem for me, and when I have extra stresses, it intensifies and gets worse and it is a constant downward spiral. So the key here I think is to find a way to deal with my over thinking... live for the moment and manage my stress better.
Applying this to my tri training, I realised that I am constantly worried about what will be happening in 7 months time. What if I don't train enough? What if I don't do the right things? What if it doesn't compare to my friend's training for the same thing? What if I won't be able to finish? Am I eating enough, eating too much? Will I put all of my weight back on?
These are the sorts of things going through my mind and basically always feeling guilty if I was/wasn't doing something that lives up to my image of what was 'right' and what was expected. Even though I really have no clue. Being ambitious and having high expectations is good, but I have to be able to manage the expectations and not get too upset at myself if I don't meet something.
I came across this and it was like an epiphany...
This is why I am going to sit down every night and write a list of all of the things I am grateful for...just to remind myself that even the hardest days, there is still always something good. Break the cycle!!!
My PT reminded me that I am doing this Triathlon for myself. I am not doing it as a punishment, therefore I need to enjoy the journey. I could die next week, and if I hate everything I am doing, that does not equal a happy life. This is something that really hit home.
Last year I was riding a positivity wave and I was the happiest I've ever been. It sucks that this year a few things have knocked me back, but I know that I can eventually find my way back to my happy place.
In a few weeks time I will be starting a 4 session course on practising mindfulness and meditation, which is supposed to help with how to deal with stress and living in the moment more. I am really looking forward to trying this and see how I can apply it to my days. I will let you guys know how it goes!!
Training wise - I am pulling back a bit and looking after myself and my needs more. My PT has reminded me I have heaps of time, and I am more than capable of completing the event regardless. I am now focusing on shorter term and easier goals and also doing things that I enjoy. On the other hand, the reality of triathlon training is that it's not a team sport, so isolated training is something I do have to get used to later down the track.
Little achievable goals I am setting myself at the moment is just to do 2 x early morning sessions at the gym each week, 1 x swim a week and with my next half marathon in 8 weeks, 2 x runs per week.
Instead of having a set out monthly plan like I have had for the past 3 months, I am going to be a lot more flexible about it and plan week to week..
Fingers crossed that these little changes will help get me back in the right frame of mind. :)
What I am experiencing is probably the dreaded maintenance period that everyone warned me about after you've gone through a big weight loss. This is the hard part, this is what I have to push through, because this is something that I will have to maintain for the rest of my life.
This:
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