My triple life as an Athlete, Student & HR Professional

Athlete by day, and night. Student by day..sometimes night. HR person. Eszter.
Interesting that when I wrote the title for this post, the first thing that came to mind was 'Athlete'. That says a lot to me about how much my life has changed in the last three years. I was reading through one of my old blog posts today, looking for inspiration and came across one of my favourites...'Highlights on my journey to a better me'. Check out one of my highlights:

• No more limitations on day to day activities... simple things like picking things up off the floor, driving etc...no longer uncomfortable because of the belly being in the way.

Just wow. That part of me is such a distant memory, and it's hard to believe I used to live that way. Now I consider myself an athlete... Pretty cool, and something I want to feel forever! This just reminds me how important it is to never forget how far you have come. Even when times are tough and it feels like you are stuck, feeling sorry for yourself, which I admit I do from time to time... think of the bigger picture.

My life as a student: Two months ago I embarked on a new journey to better myself mentally and start university study via distance learning. Since then I've had an assessment in which I managed to get 46/50 and submitted a written report assessment a week ago. It has been challenging having to keep up with the reading, actually digesting it and taking in my learnings..not to mention the time commitment which is around 8hrs study per week...way more when I was working on my report (just about lost the plot haha). I never did university after college because I didn't really have a sense of direction or drive. I also never felt particularly smart...I now have way more respect for people who did this day in day out with goodness knows how many 'papers' at any one time. In a way I am glad it worked out this way though, because I think I am getting much more out of my studies having had some life and work experience.. kind of puts everything into context. I have one more exam to go in exactly a month, and then I'm one step closer to my post grad diploma...7 papers to go, probably another 3 years ;) It's worth it though...on wards and hopefully upwards in my HR career... aka the other 50% of my life. 

My life as an athlete: Tri training has been all over the show, very slow progress with my injuries, and at times hard to find motivation as I've been feeling quite tired, most days waking up tired. A big reason why I have fallen behind on my blogging.  My days look something like this: Wake up, work, study, training, bit of down time, bed. Or wake up, training, work, study, bit of down time, bed.  I basically have every little thing scheduled into my organiser, and some days things fall off, some days I miss study, some days I miss training, but I am doing my best, and that's really all that I can do, so I am happy with that.

Somewhere in there of course I have my family and friends, probably an aspect of my life that's taking the biggest hit (sorry family & friends!!) but luckily everyone is supportive of me. At the end of the day I just want to keep growing, always learning and always be challenged.. My goals give me purpose. I used to float through life being extremely average in a weird and undriven space... I guess I am making up for lost time now? Life is too short... I want to keep growing and be better as a person and a role model for my family. Everything I do is the stuff that gets me there ...even when it gets a bit stressful. 

Thought I'd share a few photos from the last few months, with the countdown on until Ironmaori - 57 days to go!! How the heck did that come around so fast!

All photos courtesy of Change Fitness :) Common themes: team. thumbs up. mainly a lot of smiles aka happiness.

A lovely evening at run group

The hard slog up Wallaceville Hill in Upper Hutt

Team finish at the brutal Upper Hutt Duathlon.. smile of relief I think!

About 6km into a half marathon - our practice for the finish line

Spot the crying face. This is at the end of said half marathon - a tough day for me.

The crew

Martinborough group ride - which included this wonderful lake, torrential rain and strong winds...in other words, a wonderful day to test everyone :) with pie at the end.

I've managed to get through the hardest part of this year and with the end now in sight and lots of exciting team events coming up, I am feeling super motivated and excited to smash this out one last time!!
Thanks for sticking by me everyone!

Does anyone remember the girl on the left? Jeepers. 

Best feeling in the world = crossing the finish line

Crossing the finish line = one of the most satisfying & best moments in life. 
The sense of achievement & purpose, the adrenaline.. The whole lot is such a high. 
10km run at the Wellington Marathon Event today...and I met my goal. I was aiming to  run the whole way, and hopefully finish in under an hour and twenty minutes.
My garmin reckons 1:15:49 at 7.27min/km pace 😀😀 to say I'm happy is an understatement! I had a few niggles with my injury from last year, but ran the whole way and overall felt pretty strong. It was my first event since ironmaori in December and man have I missed the feeling. 
Especially the part where the finish line is finally in sight and I swear I see red and nothing else matters but that sprint to the finish. 200% effort & focus. Maybe that's why I always feel emotional once I've crossed the line, there's generally tears lol.
The finish line symbolises everything you've done to get to that point, all of the hard work and dedication, it's essentially the reward for your journey. It's just so special. 😍
It was awesome seeing my whole crew out there, smashing it as usual. The smiles & waves along the way make such a difference ❤️ we did it team!!
Can't wait to see my official time but more than anything I'm happy to be back on track with running. The goal is to run the half marathon part of my tri, and I know now that I'll get there!

Block 2 , Week 3 update...progress!

Eeek how time flies..it's been 2 weeks since my last post! I have been absolutely flat out with work, life in general and of course training. Just trying to keep sane :)

So what's happened in the last couple of weeks?
Running: finally have seen the light with heart rate zone training. I've actually been making sure sure to stay in the correct heart rate zone with every run, and managed a wonderful 6km continuous effort. It was my longest in almost a full year, and it felt great!!
It made me wonder what I've been doing all this time, but I figured out that the way I approached each run was just to 'do my best', which of course meant working too hard, too early and losing steam.
It's made such a difference already and can't wait to see further improvements. I have also been stretching lots and really keeping my technique and posture in check, and I can feel the progress! YAY! ( Speaking of running, this pic is of me at run group, 'in the zone'.. courtesy of Change Fitness, this also highlights my not great style...but it looks like I am zooming past so I'll take it lol).

Swimming: Have been enjoying doing different drills and I am feeling some real improvements with my bi-lateral breathing. In basically just a month, I feel like I can actually breath on both sides! And my stroke feels so much more efficient when I am doing so... I can't hold it for very long periods but slowly building up :) 

Cycling: I've done a 57km cycle and a 47km one in the last couple of weeks, and annoyingly my shoulder injury from last year is back. I am guessing it's partly because I have jumped straight back into some decent distances, combined with me still being quite tense & anxious and my body.. not enough strength & my terrible posture.
The ride yesterday was particularly difficult, I really did not want to go. The temptation to pull out was huge and it took every part of my brain to push, and get in the car. Halfway there, I was still looking for excuses to turn around, but happy to say I did it! It was tough both mentally and physically, by the end of it I was very very sore, but it's still a win.

Next steps: Address my shoulder injury & posture issues & keep working on the running technique. Going to have one on one strength training with my coach Nathan Martin and hopefully finally get my body in tip top condition & finally catch up with my mental strength.. which as I've said before is my real strong point. I am realising just how much my body is still getting used to this lifestyle. After a decade of poor treatment, it's not surprising that there's a bit of protest from the ol' joints/muscles etc :)  Looking forward to getting stronger and kicking these aches and pains in the butt once and for all.

Hope whatever it is you guys are doing, you're going well. Keep up the effort! Winter is the most important time :):)

Back on the saddle

What does it feel like getting back on the bike saddle after 5 months off? Extremely painful... haha. Every muscle in my body is aching. That's what I get for doing 50kms without any real lead up. 

I've just come home after a 7.5 week holiday in Europe and UK visiting family. I had a fabulous time and did a tonne of walking, I'd say on average most days around 15km, with a number of massive 21km days. Pretty cool!! I love exploring on foot, no better way to do it (if you can!). Managed to fit in a couple of runs here and there, even participated in some 'Park Runs' with the family. I am really happy that I fit some exercise in, but of course with all the amazing food (and eating it all), I still put on a few kilos. Starting back on the #whanaujourney triathlon programme, it's all been a bit of a shock to the system!! 

Siena (Italy) in the background

Florence

Budapest (my birth city!)

Even with only a little bit of running in the UK, I've managed to work up to being able to run a full 5km again after last years injury. Lots to work on, but it's a great start, the key here is to not re-injure myself. A 10km run is on the cards in about 6 weeks, which I intend to run the whole way, and I'm excited to see what I can build up to in that time. I will be targeting my strength training around my hip flexors, glutes and core... they are all very weak. 

What about the other disciplines? Cycling. My biggest challenge. Conquering my fears and improving my confidence will be a big feat. My big wish is that I actually end up enjoying cycling. As some of my readers will remember, I got on a bike for the first time in about 25yrs in February last year. I didn't have a bike growing up, and while I did learn to ride when I was about 5 years old, it was really only the bare basics of staying upright and pedalling. I'd never ridden in traffic and I didn't learn control my bike in slightly more challenging situations. Everything is so much easier to learn and deal with as a child... there's that real lack of fear and 'give it a go' attitude, as adults our minds tend to hold us back more. Learning all of these new skills was pretty overwhelming, added to with the completely different feel of a road bike and having to use clip in shoes, and doing long distances. I had a number of falls, lots of bruises, cuts and grazes and a scary close call with a car on event day which still resulted with me tangled with my bike in the middle of an intersection. 

I haven't touched my bike since that day, in fact I only pulled off my race number 2 days ago. I only recently realised that the crash had probably affected me and my confidence more than I originally thought. Combined with my anxiety, which seems to be going through a particularly bad wave at the moment, it meant a pretty scared Eszter leading up to my Sunday ride (images of getting hit by a car or ending up with some horrific injury or some other equally irrational scenario). My friend and now one of my coaches, Alicia, was nice enough to escort me for the whole 50kms, and you know what, I survived. I'm not going to lie, there were a few heart racing, sweaty palm, nerve-wracking moments, but there were no incidents, no near misses. Everything was fine. It has boosted my confidence a lot, and I already feel way calmer about the weeks and months to come. 
Essentially by getting out there and just doing it regardless of my fears, I have proven to myself that cycling does not equal doom. Going forward, this will help turn those anxieties around. At the end of the day I am still a rookie, with 5 months of cycling experience under my belt, and like with anything else in the learning phase, it takes time to get comfortable. 

Swimming? I have my very first swim squad session this Friday and I am truly excited. Having worked through all the fear stuff when it came to swimming last year, it's nice to have a discipline where I am truly comfortable and I can focus 100% on improving my technique and speed. 

Reflecting on last year's triathlon experience, I feel like I plodded my way through the three disciplines (still find it hard to comprehend sometimes that I actually did it!!). I often got asked which one was my 'strength' and I'd be stumped because I didn't feel any of them were. I think my true strong point is my willpower and mental strength, and that is what got me through on the day. 
Knowing I can endure, and stay motivated is a pretty good foundation to build on and now I'll be able to focus on getting physically stronger especially with the dramas of 2015 behind me! On the other hand, it is interesting that my true weakness is the other side of my mental strength with the anxieties. It's a bit weird that it's both for me, but the motivation and willpower is stronger, always has been (or maybe it's just that I'm stubborn), so it will win :)

When in doubt, my new mantra for the hard times will be "I can and I will".

Along with all the basics I have a lot more to work on, the main one being my nutrition, and hopefully losing a bit of weight again, let me rephrase, dropping a dress size again (even if not actual weight on the scales), and generally having less wobbly bits. :) :) I feel more motivated now than I have for quite some time, and like I have purpose again, so look out for more updates soon! x

Mind shift - ditch the scales

So I'm 7 weeks into a 10 week weight loss challenge that I thought I'd smash. I've lost somewhere between 1-2 kgs but officially with results at actual weigh in, only around 1. You'd think that I was eating crap or not exercising.... It's the opposite. While my workouts haven't been super crazy, I'm doing a variety of different things. I've mentioned before my change in eating as well. For whatever reason my body is deciding that right now, losing more weight is not essential. 

Has this bothered me? Well yes, about 3 weeks ago I was on the verge of an obsessive meltdown because I wasn't meeting my expectations. I was seeing unhealthy behaviours in myself, not wanting to eat or wanting to binge, stepping on the scale every day, beating myself up because the number wasn't changing. Feeling pressure rather than motivated, feeling bad because I was comparing myself to others who were achieving, and basically non stop guilt. It is crazy how easy it is to fall into these behaviours and get into negative self talk which snowballs. 

As someone who's had a turbulent relationship with food & weightloss in the past, it's even easier to fall back into old patterns....and to be honest it made me feel unstable (mentally). I'm a lot better than I used to be but I'm still not immune to having negative & unhealthy thoughts.
I didn't like how it made me feel. I'm not defined by a number on the scales. Why is it so easy to think you are?
Yes my whole journey has seemingly been about weight loss but actually it's been so much more than that. I'm not unhappy with how I look and I love what my body has done for me, yea I'd like to improve further and continue the journey, but I'm not going to go crazy in the process. I've changed my attitude to how I approach the rest of the challenge. The whole point of this is to encourage health, get moving and eat healthy... I'm doing my best every day to do that, so what more can I really ask for? 

Weight is just another measure in your toolbox to health, it's not the be all and end all. When my body is ready, it will get going again. In the meantime, I'll carry on & enjoy every day. Hope you do the same.

2016

2016. This will be my year.  I am signed up and ready to start the road to the Ironmaori triathlon for the second time. As you might be able to guess from the above, I've decided to do this with the amazing Change Fitness #whanaujourney group led by my amazing coach/trainer Nathan Martin. It's hard to put into words how much being part of this team (for the 4 months) meant to me last year, but all I can say is that it pulled me out of the deep dark hole that I had gotten into, and gave me purpose...and self belief.  I just love the quote above.

I am so full of excitement for what this year will bring, and full of energy to set and smash all of my goals. Reflecting on last year's journey, there is plenty to improve on:

• Doing proper strength training to actually prevent injuries this time, 
• Checking in with myself more often in terms of my mental wellbeing and handling stress better (regular yoga/meditation etc),
• More bike time. 4 months last year, while it was enough to get me through, was just that.. enough to get me through. I had a number of falls and scary moments, so this year is about conquering the beast, getting comfortable riding in traffic and just overall getting stronger in this area.
• Running. I ran about 3km of the 21.1km in December. I'd lost alot of running fitness with my July injury and chose not to focus too much on it last year. Well the goal this year is to run the whole 21.1km.

I would also love for my overall fitness to improve. Endurance is all good, and I think that is because mentally I am strong enough to push through, but I want to and need to be fitter with the non-endurance stuff. Yesterday I started a 4 week circuit training group with Nathan and did the fitness test... great benchmark, but seeing my heart rate at only 8BPM below my max after a short time trial run was not pleasant.

I did end up surprising myself a little bit though when I managed to do 16 full press ups within 1 min. I could do about 20-25 of them this time last year, and after not doing any for almost a year..I was convinced that I'd only be able to do a couple now. But guess what, I didn't actually try it, or test myself, just labelled it as something I couldn't do, and didn't even attempt it. Terrible attitude!! Then I go and smash out 16.
Tonight's experience has taught me yet again just how much we limit ourselves and how the negative self talk can affect us and what we do (or don't do). It's easy to fall into the trap of constantly comparing yourself to other people, always striving for that elusive 'more', fear of failure, never quite being happy with what you have right now.
This will be a big focus point for me this year..finding the balance and learning to love myself as I am, being me, being present... but aspiring to be better and doing my best every day. Take up the challenge with me!

On that note, I'll leave on this thought: