Dig deep

Those of you who read my Facebook page will remember that a few weeks ago I admitted that I had lost all motivation for basically everything. I am glad I put that out there because admitting to myself just how bad I was doing  meant I could actually do something about it.
During the last few weeks I spent a lot of time talking to friends and family and had a really good catch up with my lovely personal trainer Courtney Durr to address the best way forward.

The biggest thing for me right now is to remain positive because being on the negativity train will bring more negativity, self doubt and questioning.
Something I really struggle with in every day life is that I am a worrier, I think about things a lot, over analyse things, think about all of the what ifs for all sorts of scenarios that don't even really matter, sometimes to the point that I stress myself out. I worry about the future, rather than living each day. This has always been a problem for me, and when I have extra stresses, it intensifies and gets worse and it is a constant downward spiral. So the key here I think is to find a way to deal with my over thinking... live for the moment and manage my stress better.

Applying this to my tri training, I realised that I am constantly worried about what will be happening in 7 months time. What if I don't train enough? What if I don't do the right things?  What if it doesn't compare to my friend's training for the same thing? What if I won't be able to finish? Am I eating enough, eating too much? Will I put all of my weight back on?
These are the sorts of things going through my mind and basically always feeling guilty if I was/wasn't doing something that lives up to my image of what was 'right' and what was expected. Even though I really have no clue. Being ambitious and having high expectations is good, but I have to be able to manage the expectations and not get too upset at myself if I don't meet something.

I came across this and it was like an epiphany...

This is why I am going to sit down every night and write a list of all of the things I am grateful for...just to remind myself that even the hardest days, there is still always something good. Break the cycle!!!

My PT reminded me that I am doing this Triathlon for myself. I am not doing it as a punishment, therefore I need to enjoy the journey. I could die next week, and if I hate everything I am doing, that does not equal a happy life. This is something that really hit home.
Last year I was riding a positivity wave and I was the happiest I've ever been. It sucks that this year a few things have knocked me back, but I know that I can eventually find my way back to my happy place.

In a few weeks time I will be starting a 4 session course on practising mindfulness and meditation, which is supposed to help with how to deal with stress and living in the moment more. I am really looking forward to trying this and see how I can apply it to my days. I will let you guys know how it goes!!

Training wise - I am pulling back a bit and looking after myself and my needs more. My PT has reminded me I have heaps of time, and I am more than capable of completing the event regardless. I am now focusing on shorter term and easier goals and also doing things that I enjoy.  On the other hand, the reality of triathlon training is that it's not a team sport, so isolated training is something I do have to get used to later down the track.

Little achievable goals I am setting myself at the moment is just to do 2 x early morning sessions at the gym each week, 1 x swim a week and with my next half marathon in 8 weeks, 2 x runs per week.
Instead of having a set out monthly plan like I have had for the past 3 months, I am going to be a lot more flexible about it and plan week to week..

Fingers crossed that these little changes will help get me back in the right frame of mind. :)
What I am experiencing is probably the dreaded maintenance period that everyone warned me about after you've gone through a big weight loss. This is the hard part, this is what I have to push through, because this is something that I will have to maintain for the rest of my life.

This:

Feeling the pressure

March ... what a month it has been. Overall my training program went pretty well, I kept on track, apart from having a couple of unplanned rest days. Something that was highlighted to me was that emotional stress really does not work well in conjunction with a training plan.

I've been going through a fair bit of emotional stress due to various issues for the past six months, and every now and again it all comes to a head, and the pressure is really on to do something about it. While these said issues are mainly out of my hands and I actually cannot do anything to fix it, I have been finding it especially difficult to handle lately.
About three weeks ago was one of those moments where everything bad / annoying / difficult / stressful happened all at once, and I honestly felt like my body was just shutting down. I spent a whole weekend not doing anything and for about 10 days I was just eating left, right and centre, craving all sorts of foods, and not wanting to do any exercise. Even thinking about getting off my butt was hard.
It was a scary time because I felt like I had no control over anything, and that the old Eszter was making a come back. This is my biggest worry actually. I know 30kgs is not all just going to grow back on, but the fear of undoing all of my hard work is terrifying.

When I first started this journey, I realised food was one of my coping mechanisms when the going got tough. I have managed to get that under control somewhat, but during extreme times of stress, this is still something my body defaults to. Of course emotional eating leads to the guilt cycle and a very unhealthy relationship with food.
I absolutely hate food having such a hold on me. To re-gain control of my life in this aspect, I decided to start logging my calories again. I stopped about four and a half months ago which at the time was a great decision, but what I need now is to take charge and be accountable to myself again, which is one of the reasons why I fell in love with Myfitnesspal in the first place.
No crazy calorie counting though, just keeping a food diary.
Also no weighing myself again. Blah. I'm still very much in the process of rewiring my brain from weight loss mode to only fitness mode.

I've also been struggling a bit with the actual training plan of having to do 2 strength, 2 swim, 2 cycles and 2 runs per week. I'm not going to lie - it's a bit overwhelming. This combined with personal issues is not a great combo, so the plan has been adjusted to focus on two things each month, still doing the other two, but not to the same extent. I think this will help me stay on track without getting too overwhelmed.

Something else I've realised is that I am not enjoying this as much as I thought. Last year when my main focus was going to boot camp and doing Body Attack at the gym, it was never an effort because I loved every minute of what I was doing, this is why I kept going and why I got such great results. I can't say I feel that way about any of what I am doing right now, especially because I have cut back slightly on running since Round the Bays. Sure there are times when cycling/strength training/ swimming feels great, and there have been some great gains, but I don't feel that same level of passion towards any of them as I did last year. Perhaps it's also because this isn't in a group environment (which really works for me) and I feel a bit isolated.
Both of these things is making it quite difficult to maintain motivation. I do want to do it, and I know I need to, but it's still very difficult.
Plan of attack here - more focused training and making it a priority to fit in more Body Attack classes as well as Body Balance which is the yoga/pilates one to help with the relaxation bit.  In May I will get back into more running (July half marathon prep), which is something I do actually really like.

While looking for some inspiration I came across this gem:

I guess for me this is the unspectacular preparation part, and I just have to keep going and visualise all the good things that are still coming.

I've just taken another five days off training, ate lots of chocolate and other yummy foods, enjoyed some great relaxation time watching movies on the couch and I actually feel great and refreshed and healthier in my mind than I was a few weeks ago that's for sure.
While it's important to stay on track for your goals, it is also important to take time out for yourself and have those all important "mental health days" when it is all about you :)  Manage the stress before it manages you.

I have eight months of training to go, and I can tell it's going to be another rollercoaster ride!!

It's Tri time!!!

March 2015 - 1/2 Ironman Triathlon Training Begins.

EEEK. It's official, I've spent $200 entering the Ironmaori event which as some of you may know involves a 2km swim, 90km cycle and a 21.1km run/whatever you can manage.

Why did I sign up for this? Good question. I needed a new goal, a new challenge, and I wanted to keep the momentum going with my fitness and pushing the boundaries...pushing that comfort zone.

I am actually really glad that I've chosen to go further down the fitness route. Entering events is not something I ever thought I would enjoy, but I actually love having a set date and objective to work towards. #goalsettingismything 

Since I reached my lowest weight point just before Christmas which was 73.8kgs (32kg of weight loss), quite a few changes have happened. You guys might remember I stopped counting calories at the same time - no more hand holding by Myfitnesspal. I am in this for life, so I needed to let go a little bit. I've been quite a bit more relaxed with my eating... having food when I am hungry, sometimes when I'm not (yes I still do this, but not as bad as the old days), and basically just letting myself eat what I feel like, but aiming to be healthy and balanced. My training schedule also became quite monotonous due to my half marathon training. I haven't done much apart from leg work, and even no body attack..which I miss so much!!

As expected, my body has changed in the last 2 months, I've put back on a couple of kilos, most of that I think just from the increased amounts of carbs I've been eating (all I craved during 1/2 marathon training), but probably also lack of variety in my exercise regime, and generally just coz I've taken a more relaxed approach. So I can at least see why the changes have happened and remain accountable.
Just today I took a couple of new photos to see the difference, and yep you can tell I am not as toned, I look a bit more cushiony in general but nowhere near as bad as my mind had imagined it. After all, I still fit into the same clothes as 2 months ago, so no need to panic, but I am quietly aware. When weight loss has been the main focus and goal for 18 months, it's quite hard to snap out of that mind set.

I decided what would be best for my Triathlon journey is that I wipe the slate clean and start fresh. Obviously I acknowledge everything I have achieved to date, and I am so so grateful for it and proud of myself, but at the same time I feel like I need to embrace that this, right now, is me. Not 106kg Eszter, but 76kg Eszter, and I want the triathlon journey to be documented as the new person I am.
It is the start of something new, rather than half way through my weight loss mission.
Does that make sense? I'm not really sure if it does, but it feels like a good idea haha.

I know that my body will keep changing and hopefully naturally still lose some weight but more importantly, I will be keeping track of measurements and other "non scale victories".
So with that in mind, over the next 9 months, I will be posting lots of progress photos and achievements on my road to Ironmaori, and this picture (normal Eszter) is my starting point:

The goal is bad ass super fit Eszter....watch this space.


The challenges ahead

• I can't swim. I can float and aqua jog with a belt on, but that's not going to get me 2kms. Official one on one swimming lessons begin Monday. I'm excited to get started on this the most! I figure as long as I don't drown on event day, I can plod my way through the cycle if I have to, and I can walk the half marathon if I have to. Worst case scenario of course, but that means my focus is to become good at swimming. With practice, I know my other disciplines will work themselves out.
• A new gruelling schedule.  At this stage it is 2 x strength, 2 x run, 2 x cycle and 2 x swim per week, just to build my baseline. I wrote up my training plan the other night, and just looking at it honestly overwhelmed me. It's not like I haven't done double days before, and it's not like I didn't already regularly do 6 days a week, but somehow having a regimented plan is different. There's not much room for fun workouts in there. I hope to fall in love with each discipline ... but I will also have to sneak a couple of body attacks in there somewhere.... ;)
• I've completely and utterly lost my morning workout habit. For 12 months I religiously did all of my workouts at 6.30am with no problems at all. Just before Christmas when I experienced my little burn out, I stopped mornings. Then the holidays came, then I started running at lunch time and in the evenings...and what do you know, all my hard work to create and keep that habit, down the drain. I've tried several mornings since then, and most have been failures. So this is a massive challenge for me yet again, to get into bed early and wake up early and workout! It took 6 weeks to build last time. I can do this.
• Cycling is scary. I've only taken out my fancy new road bike a couple of times, and it is terrifying. Going fast is definitely out of my comfort zone and really freaks me out. Traffic and cars in general are scary. Going down hills is equally scary, I honestly feel like I'm going to face plant. Also I can't get off the bike without getting myself tangled and falling over on the road hahaha. I haven't even attempted all of this with my clip in shoes. 

Massive learning curve ahead on these things that's for sure!

That is all I can think of for now, I am sure there will be plenty of laughs, fun, tears and frustration along the way, and I cannot wait to share it all with you guys. Hope you can join me on my Tri journey :)

Beginners tips for running your first half marathon!

This:

Now that's out of the way, I wanted to do a post about some of the things I've learnt on my training journey. You guys know I love my goals, but I also think it's very important to evaluate after each one has been met (or not, if that was the case!).... It's the only way we can move forward.

The biggest problem I had throughout my training was my injuries - the Iliotibial Band (ITB) issue I developed (read about that here) and also the start of achilles tendinitis on one side. These were caused by a various different reasons, all of them annoying -  incorrect running style, certain muscle groups not activating properly and/or not strong enough and also too much too quickly (distance or speed). Turns out you can't just start running, and get good at it without a whole bunch of other stuff being involved. Go figure! 

With that in mind...here are a few tips from my half marathon training journey. If you're a beginner like I was, hopefully these help you :)

1. Enter an event.

Have something to work towards! Choose a realistic time frame though :) 

2. If you're going down the long distance route like me, I would start by getting a professional to check out your running technique.

After 12 months of running, I recently learnt that I was a "shuffler", having had a mid-foot strike combined with a little push/shuffle forward before I lifted my foot again. Not ideal. This is one of the reasons why I I developed leg injuries. Google for running clinic, or if you go to a gym, chances are your own PT or another one will know about running and correct form. Even just going to a specialised shoe store will probably give you some good info. No matter how many pictures you look at on the internet, you won't truly know how you run until you see it in action i.e. a video.

On that note, I wish they actually taught children how to run properly in school. I feel like if I'd known all this technique stuff years ago, running would be way easier now. Instead we played forward pass rugby and badminton for a whole term pretty much every year. No wonder I gave up PE after year 11 ;)

3. Get good running shoes.

It took me four pairs of shoes to get to one that I found comfortable. Unfortunately shoes are one of those things that you won't know how they feel until you actually run in them. 

It's worth investing in a good pair, and even better to go to a specialist store and have them fit you with the correct shoes for your foot type, rather than just going solely off comfort (wish I'd done this now).

4. Get a running buddy - preferably one with similar abilities as you.

Having an accountability buddy is the best thing ever, especially if you are both training for the same event! I do think it is important to choose someone who is at a similar stage as you. While it's amazing training with extremely talented runners, and it pushes you harder, it can be a little too taxing when you're a newbie. 

5. Strength train aka leg day errrr day. 

Ok so not leg day every day, but strength training is so important! I didn't really realise this until it was already way too late in the piece. Yes I'd read about it here and there, but I thought "meh, surely it can't be that important". As it turns out, you can't just run and expect your legs to be able to carry you for a tonne of kilometres. Sure they do get stronger a little bit just by running, but when you actually start increasing the distance, that isn't enough to keep up any more. 

Lack of strength training = injured Shrinking Eszter legs.

6. Stretch & foam roll - properly.

As with strength training, I didn't bother doing much stretching, what I did do was a half attempt or too short, and I didn't bother with my foam roller unless I was already sore. Because running is so high impact, especially if you are out on the road/concrete, it has a huge effect on your muscles. Stretching/foam rolling before and after helps prevent a tonne of issues. As soon as I added these to my routine a few months ago, I felt better almost straight away. 

Deep tissue massages are also amazing!!

7. Have a plan.

Find a plan that works for you and your abilities and stick with it. If that means doing run/walks, then build from that. I have found that doing 2 x short runs, 1x medium and 1 x long run was about right for me. I put my running dates in my calendar and kept to this week by week.  Because I had 7+ months to prepare, it meant I could also adjust my plan as I needed to :)

8. Get injuries checked out as soon as possible.

A little niggle turned into a massive headache for me, and I wish I had looked into it sooner. Tired legs is normal, pain isn't. Check it out as soon as you can. 

9. Go at your own pace.

Don't feel pressured to run a certain speed. There is no right or wrong here, whatever speed is natural to you, is what you should do. As you run more, your speed will increase anyway, but don't ever feel bad for being "slow". Endurance is more important. 

10. Walking is ok.

Running a half marathon doesn't actually have to mean you cannot stop to have a breather. I had quite a few walking stops myself, but tried to make sure they were around 1-2 minutes only. These didn't end up having much of an effect on my overall time, because it meant the bits I was running, I could run better/stronger. It's ok to walk!!!

11. Enjoy the experience.

This was something that was at the forefront of my mind at all times. I knew that I didn't want to run my half marathon and finish with "I'm never doing that again", so I focused on every little achievement, every bit of progress, knowing that all of them added up to the bigger goal. I frequently imagined the finish line, and how amazing it would feel. This made the training so much more enjoyable and kept me motivated. And of course when the big day comes, make the most of it - you'll only have one 'first' half marathon...with hopefully many more in the future (you can smash yourself later) :)

Running a half marathon is totally achievable. 

With some smart training, realistic goals and full on commitment and dedication - you can do it!!! 

Run run run!

Hi guys!

It's finally time for my half marathon!!! 7 months of training, and what a journey it has been :)

Around Christmas time you guys might remember that I committed to giving 8 weeks of maximum effort, so I could do my absolute best for when the big day came. How did I do?
The action plan was:
1. Replace one of my "regular" classes with a run each week
2. Get more serious about strength training, and do at least 2 sessions per week 
3. Do one 15-18km run every 10 days 

While I didn't quite end up averaging 2 strength sessions  a week (more like 1 per week), along with some strengthening exercises and stretching for my leg problems, the rest of my efforts I am super happy with!
In the last 7 weeks I've averaged three runs a week, to a total distance of 144 kms with my biggest week being 28kms over 3 runs :D as well as of course fitting in a variety of different workouts, and starting on my triathlon training.

The rest of this week for me will be about recovery and rest...stretching, deep tissue massage to loosen everything (haha) and low impact everything. Hopefully I'll be fully rested (recovered from my cold) and ready to go on Sunday. SO EXCITED!!! 

I've learned a lot throughout my training - which I will detail in a future post - there are things I would do differently, areas where I could improve (you can always improve right), but the way I look at it - I am just getting started. 
This weekend is will be my first half marathon ... I am planning another in July, and not to mention the one that's going to be a part of the 1/2 ironman triathlon in December. This one is about completing it, creating a benchmark for the next one, and just really enjoying experience. I will never have a first half marathon ever again, so might as well make the most of it :)

This time last year I was preparing for my longest run ever at that stage...the 6.5k event!!! I am so happy at how far I've come in 12 months. I keep proving to myself time and time again that anything is possible as long as you put your mind to it, stay consistent, determined and just keep going! 

I will have a video post for you guys on the weekend which will have some bits from the prep leading up to..and on the day.

Thanks so much for your support as always :) 

Aiming high...

Hi guys!

Those that follow my Facebook Page know that my main goal since late October has been to increase my running distance in preparation for the half marathon I am doing on 22 February.

The last few months has literally been about putting one foot in front of the other and increasing my mileage. Surprisingly, overall it has been a relatively smooth journey.. various ups and downs but slowly and surely increasing my distance and pace. Mentally I feel like I am 100% there, I am ready and amped to go. Fitness wise, I also feel like I am there...which is a huge feat. Exercising for just over 2hrs is not that challenging anymore, which is really weird to say but I guess it also does come down to the fact that my pace is more of a relaxed run so the heart is not overly stressed out.

The curve ball that has been thrown my way is that my body can't quite keep up yet. As I've been running more, my legs have been giving me more grief.  Turns out I have a few issues with my glutes not firing correctly and this puts stress on other areas of my legs, which in turn causes pain.  My running style is also not particularly great, which I put down to me just adapting to any way I could possibly get running when I first started. In hindsight, I wish I had gotten more guidance around running technique and a proper strength training programme before I started this journey. Always the way isn't it! 

The good news is that it is fixable, but it will take time, and it definitely won't be fully fixed in 5 weeks for Round the Bays. I can hopefully get a bit of relief before the big day, but I am just going to have to take it as it comes and hope for the best. I am still aiming for 2hrs 15min and provided I rest up properly, I feel like I can still achieve that time!!!

Having had a bit of a think about  my life, where I am and where I want to be, I've realised how easy it is to just float around in life with no real purpose. Our lives are just too short, so I want to make the most of every bit of time I have...this is where more goals come in  (you guys know I love goals!)

A few weeks ago I was having a discussion with a good friend of mine who is on a similar sort of self development journey as me, and also a little crazy about fitness. We both decided we needed to get onto something bigger and better. Something that's scary, makes you a bit nervous, a real challenge... but also something that is achievable with some hard work, dedication and discipline.

We set ourselves the goal of entering the 1/2 Ironmaori Triathlon in December 2016 - this is a 2km swim, 90km cycle and a 21.1km run. Achievable right, because it's almost two years away, with the plan of some smaller events in the lead up.

Cue hand shake, high fives and excitement...What do you think happens when you have two driven people who love challenges and this idea brews for a few days? Change the goal posts to December 2015. 11 months away!! Possibly a little crazy but I know that it will be a hell of a ride!

Having a friend to train with makes massive goals like this 100x easier though...keeping each other accountable, going through everything together, knowing what the other is experiencing and supporting each other throughout the process. Hopefully we come out as better people on the other side!!

I am currently deciding whether I can bring myself to do the 1/2 distance, or whether to go for the 1/4 distance which is 1km swim, 45km cycle and 10.5km run. I feel like I am going to be persuaded to do the 1/2 though haha.
Either option is a huge goal, which will involve a lot of training (I actually have to get swimming lessons!!!), a lot of commitment, but totally achievable. And how amazing will it be to finish?? I am SO EXCITED!!!

So this year you guys can look forward to a slight change in the direction of my blog!! Obviously I am still "under construction" to the dream version of me, but this will definitely help get me there! It will be another massive learning curve but one that I am really looking forward to :)

Highlights on my journey to a better me

I can honestly say that since I've started this journey, there has basically only been highs..and not very many lows. Even the so called lows, were often due to my own fault, putting too much pressure on myself, and then basically going a little crazy because of the stress I was creating for myself.
The change in mind set since reaching 30kg has also been quite big. Having reached such a big goal, I feel like the focus is now truly on fitness, and a huge weight (ha) has been lifted off my shoulders.
It makes me realise just how much of what we go through and how we perceive things is due to the mind set you have at the time.

With that in mind, I've had a good long think about the highlights of my journey so far. In no particular order, these are some of my top moments/achievements and the things I am the most grateful for:

• Learning to run, from 0 to 8kms in one year is pretty epic in my eyes.
• Realising that exercise could be enjoyed, and that I actually preferred challenging workouts 
• The overwhelming feeling of achievement when you do something you previously couldn't even imagine attempting. 
• Full push ups..I almost cried when I did 24 in a row at my last fitness test.
• Tuck jumps. Anything jumping.. oh how I love the feeling. I remember doing body attack back in Jan/Feb and not being able to do these at all... nowadays when I get a bit of air with tuck jumps , I make sure to look down and appreciate that distance between me and the ground. As stupid as it sounds, it kind of feels like flying lol. 
• Meeting the most amazing new people and forming new friendships. I've been surrounded by such positive/strong/inspirational people who I am very lucky to have in my 'corner'. :)
• Gaining the confidence to approach new people and actually talk to them. The old me was the quiet girl in the back corner of the room, hiding from everyone, feeling embarrassed. While a bit of the shy side of me still sticks around, this is something that has improved so so much! I actually feel like I can be myself now...let that crazy side of me roam free haha
• Learning to appreciate me for me and not constantly hating on myself.
• The powers of thinking positively - this has changed my life, and how I approach everything. As a result I am the happiest I've ever been. 
• I broke the junk food and binge cycle. This didn't end up being as difficult as I had imagined... just come down to gaining some control over my eating habits. 
• No more shin splints, sore back, sore hips.. sore everything because of the extra weight I was carrying around. 
• No more limitations on day to day activities... simple things like picking things up off the floor, driving etc...no longer uncomfortable because of the belly being in the way.
• My wardrobe has completely emptied out and changed. I can now buy clothes that I actually like (no more maternity section yussss)
• Fitting into size 12 dress..and size 13 skinny jeans. The feeling of excitement of reaching for the bigger pair and realising how crap it looks, and the success feeling when I can close the button on the smaller size :)
• Plane seats.. there is room to spare now!
• Being able to wear a dress to work and actually feel girly and feminine.
• Every gram and every cm lost, it feels like winning lotto. 
• Seeing my body change from one photo to the next.
• The reduction of make up I use on a daily basis. I consider myself quite good with make up and I used to wear a lot. I feel comfortable enough in my own skin now that often I go make up free :)
• My first horse trekking experience
• Climbing Mt Kaukau and Colonial Knob in Wellington (these were too scary previously). Tongariro crossing in one month!!
• Did you know you can lose weight on your feet? I went from a size 9 to an 8 in shoes. I've had to throw out all of my old pairs. (and buy heels!!!)
• Having people approach me and seeking advice on how they can reach their own goals.. this is probably the biggest thing I will never be able to get used to. It is such a privilege!!

There we go...a pretty varied range of highlights :) Appreciate everything.

I hope now that I've set my goals a bit bigger, and broader, that I will continue to achieve lots of amazing things :) Most of them are longer term goals rather than ones that will happen in a few months, but I am in this for the long haul so time doesn't really matter anymore!!

Thanks for reading (here and on facebook), your guys encouragement and interactions mean a lot to me :)

Where to next...?

When I started my path to the current me..these are the goals I set on my MFP profile:

- I want to look hot!
- Be healthy and reduce risk of future problem
- I want to fit into sexy clothes
- Be fit

The ones about wanting to look hot and fit into sexy clothes cracks me up because that one really just comes down to lack of confidence and wanting to feel attractive (which I didn't).
I feel like all of these I can now check off!!!

20 things I learnt while dropping 30 kilos

I actually did it! I reached 30 kilos of weight lost!!!

When I set the goal back in May 2013 I honestly did not think I would make it, I thought it was way too ambitious, but there you go ..it can be done if you just work hard every single day. I am so proud of my achievement and the changes I've been able to make, most of which have been mental changes for me. I have a lot more goals ahead of me...this is definitely not the end. In the meantime, I thought I would share with you 20 lessons I learned on my journey so far. :)

1.    Take responsibility for where you're at and how you got there. I used to be in denial about how unhealthy I was, and justify my reasons for being lazy. Once I 'woke up' and came to terms with what I had been doing to my body all of those years, I realised the power to change had always been in my hands. Taking responsibility for where you've gone wrong makes it easier to come up with an action plan for the future, and actually make it happen.
As painful and shocking it can be to 'wake up', it is empowering, and sets you free.

2.    Dream big, set big goals, but be realistic about the time frames to achieve them.
Commit yourself to said goals, and take action to make it happen. It is important to have more short term, mid term and long term goals, and make these measurable so you can actually track progress.

3.    Be positive and appreciate everything. This is something that has been really important for me but I think it has also made my life happier and fuller, because I take the time to acknowledge and appreciate everything that is good in my life. I am a lot more open about my feelings in general. If I want something, I am going to do everything I can to make it happen.  If I appreciate something or am thankful for something, I will make it known. Even if it's just little compliments to my friends... Life is way too short to keep all that stuff locked up inside. By focusing on the good, it is a lot easier to move forward.

4.    Obstacles will happen, sometimes you will fail. It is ok to get frustrated and angry, and it's ok to cry sometimes, as long as you get back up and keep going, that is all that matters.

5.    Even if you are doing everything right by the book, your body is unique to you and will respond in a unique way to everything you do. Just let it do it's thing! There is no one thing that works for everyone. Find what works for you and stick with it.

6.    Everyone says this one..but it's true. There are no quick fixes or miracles to help you lose weight. In order to make your efforts sustainable for the long term, it has to be a lifestyle change. There's a lot of different solutions and information all over the internet, magazines etc... make sure you do your research. At the end of the day, nothing is going to be better for you than a healthy balanced diet and exercise.

7.    Take responsibility for what goes in your mouth and learn portion sizes. You don't have to deprive yourself of anything if you just stay accountable and pay attention to what goes in.

8.    Food is not the enemy...look at food as a way to nourish yourself, rather than as a reward. Once I let go of the attitude of eating because I wanted to for whatever reason, and made it about eating when I needed to, I gained a lot more control and I am no longer a prisoner to food.

9.    Make moving/exercising fun, choose something that you enjoy and build from there. Start small and figure out what you like. Anything at all is better than sitting on your butt.

10.    Try new things. Stuff I used to frown upon, I've actually ended up enjoying. Just give it a go!

11.    People will treat you differently. You will make new friends, and also lose some.

12.    Not everyone will understand your reasons or what's involved mentally and physically for you to get through your journey. Don't hold this against them.

13.    Surround yourself with people who will keep you inspired and motivated. Like-minded people, one's on a similar journey, at the gym, via forums, Facebook groups etc. These are the people that will help keep you on track the most.

14.    Be patient. So important. Nothing will happen overnight. All of the positive changes you make will add up eventually.

15.    Celebrate successes, no matter how big or small, it is a success. Use it as motivation.

16.    Don't compare yourself or your results to those around you or social media etc. Your only competition is you. You don't have to be perfect as long as you try your best every single time.

17.    You are strong and capable of so much more than you think, you will surprise yourself over and over at what you are able to achieve. Feed off this positivity.

18.    Just keep going and never give up.

19.    Don't forget who you were and where you came from. Being a former fat person is part of who I am and always will be. While it would be easier just to push out the bad memories of the old days and how awful I used to feel, it is important to remind myself every now and again of how it was being the big girl and it makes me appreciate even more that I found the strength and discipline to turn my life around.

20.    This journey never ends. You will reach goals and make new ones but having a healthy lifestyle for good means working at it for good. This is why it's key that you make it enjoyable and it will just become part of who you are.

Thanks for reading and for your support. It really means  a lot more than I can put into words. :)

Your questions answered

Hi guys!

Thank you so much for sending in so many great questions. I really had to think about some of them! Feel free to flick me a message or post over on my Facebook page if you ever have any questions, big or small or just want someone to share your own experiences with, I love to hear from you all!

Hope you enjoy :)

General

What's the biggest/most important lesson your journey has taught you that you would pass onto someone just beginning theirs?

There's not one single thing but I would say the key things are:

- Set goals, and take steps to achieve them. Be ambitious, don't be afraid to set big goals!

- Make a commitment to yourself and remain accountable for your actions through whatever means necessary.

- Be positive, surround yourself with positive things/people to stay positive and motivated

- Never give up!!

  

When in your journey did you realise that this time it was going to be different to other attempts?

Possibly a lame answer, but when I actually started noticing results! 

Prior to starting logging my calories, and keeping track of what I was putting in my mouth , every single diet I had tried was always a miserable failure and was never sustainable, and therefore I never saw results. This was the first thing I'd tried which actually resulted in weight loss, and I wasn't hungry, had loads of energy etc, so I just wanted to carry on.  

When my new lifestyle truly cemented itself though was the moment I started enjoying exercising. I literally used to sit at work for 8hrs, drive home and then sit on the couch until bed time, the thought of exercise was the worst thing I could imagine putting myself through. So to reach that point where I actually wanted to challenge myself..even if just to prove myself a point, prove that I COULD do it, turned into loving it.. and that's why I feel like I am in this for life now and why it is sustainable for me. I love the way I eat and the fitness side of it as well :)

Two of my favorite quotes which sum up this process for me: "If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you" and "Fall in love with the process...and the results will come."

What was the trigger that motivated you to start?

It was a combination of things which all just happened to mesh together well at the time.

1. Being told I had insulin resistance and had a high risk of developing diabetes

2. I was just about to embark on a trip to Europe and wanted to get a little fitter to be able to handle walking around all day

3. Sick and tired of feeling depressed, hating myself, not being able to do things

4. Someone suggested I give counting calories / myfitnesspal a go, so I thought...why not? 

How have you stuck with it for so long? How do you keep up the motivation? I have tried and failed so many times and its always stupid things (like not losing anything for a week etc) that set me back - then I give up and put the weight on again. Then I feel like I have let myself down and the whole cycle starts again.

This is a great question, and the cycle you mention is something that I have also personally experienced since my teenage years to when I started this whole thing. A big part for me was forming good habits. As with the triggers mentioned above, I knew I had to do something. It initially was just to log/keep track of everything I ate, then I found out just how bad all the stuff I had been eating for 10 years actually was... I had been in denial. It was a real eye opener when I discovered the calorie content and it put me off. This made it easier to switch to healthier eating because I felt sick at the thought of the old foods I used to love.

It snowballed from there and I liked the results I was seeing both in terms of weight loss, how I was feeling by eating better, seeing results in my fitness and being able to experience things I never used to due to being the size I was. 

The people that I have met and the friendships I have made along the way also help keep me motivated and accountable. Surrounding myself with like minded people helps a tonne!

I still have bad weeks myself, and have hit plateaus etc, but I just use it as an opportunity to work harder the next week. Knowing that I have already achieved so much, and all the things I still want to achieve, make me want to push harder and not give up! 

Fitness

How did you motivate yourself to go to the gym?

I didn't start going to the gym until 8 months into my journey, I had lost around 16kgs by that point. I joined because I had just got to the point where I was  actually enjoying exercising and challenging myself with each workout. I felt like joining the gym was the perfect way to step it up to the next level.

As for what keeps me motivated to keep going... I really enjoy the classes and Les Mills in general and the positive environment. The instructors there are amazing... when I first started, there was two of them especially who were so so kind to me and really pushed me in every class, gave me heaps of encouragement, made me feel accountable and also like I could achieve anything...they are a huge part of what really helped me turn up (and they still push me!)

I still enjoy every class I go to, and because I just love exercising, the feeling after a good workout etc as well as the fact that I've formed the habit, and its part of my normal weekly routine, it's easy to turn up! I look forward to the gym now :)

How do you have the stamina to workout so often? /  How do you get the balance of when to rest. I feel guilty if I don't get to the gym but wondering if I should be having rest days.

My workout week varies, I will do a minimum of 5 workouts (1hr) per week, sometimes 6 or 7 but it really just depends on my chosen activity. 

I try not to do two of the same sessions in a row to give certain areas a rest, and I also try to break up big cardio days with strength work, which I find restful compared to some of the high intensity cardio I do (and love haha).

I prefer to workout in the mornings before work to get it out of the way and so I can focus 100%. Afternoon sessions I find my energy lacking a lot, and having the days burdens on you makes it more difficult to get through mentally.

I find that I can generally handle 4 days in a row with no problems in terms of energy levels. I plan out my week with what the workouts I want to do and on what days which I find helps.

I used to feel guilty on rest days, sometimes I still do, but I've come to accept that it is OK , and the body needs it. I don't want to burn out, and then it wont be fun anymore. :) 

In saying that, I try not to do more than 2 rest days in a row unless there's extreme circumstances!

Also I make sure I fuel properly before and after my workouts. All of these things combined, and the fact that I love exercising, means I can keep it up!

Are your muscles permanently sore?

This is a cool question :) I do get sore quite often, but not permanently haha. I find I get sore when I've gone particularly hard out in something, or doing a new type of exercise/class, working muscles I don't usually and also when I'm silly and overdo it by say doing 2 x leg days in a row.. or when I seem to have endless amounts of energy and gym every day of the week lol.   

I love my foam rollers.

How did you start running?

Couch to 5K program/app on my phone (10 weeks, 3 times a week). I started doing the program right at the beginning when I was still over 100kg, and I got to week 3 and my legs just hurt so much (shin splints/calves) I couldn't go further. So I actually switched to other low impact exercise at that point, it was just too much stress on the legs to try and run with 100+kgs! I started the program again after I'd been at boot camp for a couple of months and my fitness levels increased and I started losing more weight and it just got more bearable. I also entered the Wellington Round the bays fun run (6.5km distance), which gave me a goal to work towards which really helped me keep it up. I was determined to run the whole distance! 

I went from being able to run max 1 lamp post distance to 6.5km in 4 months.  :) It can be done! I would highly recommend doing C25K. It starts slow and you just see improvements from week to week.

Food/diet

What do you eat during the day? I do a lot of exercise and I just can't seen to work out what I should be eating and when I should have protein shakes etc and everyone seems to tell me something different. 

I think everyone needs to find something that works for them. Personally I  eat everything, e.g. all food groups but control portions instead, otherwise I feel deprived and more likely to fail (as per past experiences). I just keep to my calories and make smart/healthy choices with my meals / snacks and opt for 'real' food, and not just eat empty calories. These choices help keep me full and satisfied and give me the energy I need. Before a workout I usually just have a banana, I can't stomach anything more than that! As for protein shakes, I may have one after a workout or build it into my night time sweet snack with a protein mug cake :)

I have a couple of previous blog posts about my 'diet' which you can check out for ideaas HERE and HERE.

Do you track your fruit sugars on MFP? The reason I ask is because I eat a lot of fruit, and already today I'm over my Sugar allowance for the day.

Nope! I've logged my food every day since May last year (apart from when I went to Europe for a holiday), and I've never really bothered myself with that.

By choosing the healthy/natural foods, I find I generally am within the recommend amounts anyway, but I've always just used it as a guide, rather than gospel! If I am over on certain categories, I don't really care because I know that what I am eating is good / nourishing. E.g. I'd rather be over on fruit sugars than pumped full of artificial sweetener :) 

What two things do you eat most/least of?

Most: Eggs (so versatile) and spinach.. I always have baby spinach in the house!

Least: Pastries/baking/pies & takeaways... these babies were my biggest weak spot and I have found it easier to just cut them out all together. Once I broke the dependance/addiction, it wasn't so hard any more and I don't even miss it!

I pretty much eat anything otherwise... :)  

Thanks for reading :)