My last blog post was on the 9th of July ....sorry for my tardiness, I've been caught up in trying to work on my half marathon injury, get to grips with a massive increase in training with my new triathlon training crew in August (with Change Fitness), trying a lot of new things for the first time, spending lots of money on entry fees and more gear, and more injuries... mainly falling off my bike several times including a lovely big gash that put me out of action for the past 2 weeks which has put another dent in my training plan.
Easing into the group training around mid August was great, and I was on an absolute freaking high, especially enjoying having energy again, being able to do double workout days and building my fitness again.
As some of you might remember, since about January this year I've been dealing with depression and anxiety which really affected my overall energy levels / moods and motivation and as a knock on effect, my training. It was a tough time but I invested everything I could to crawl out of the black hole, getting counselling, mentoring from a role model, meditation/mindfulness, yoga, self help books...everything. I did a lot of soul searching and found 'the root' of the problem and took massive steps in removing the toxic aspects of my life.
Since then I've been progressing in leaps and bounds and feeling so so much better. Unfortunately the anxiety I am still struggling with which is really annoying, however thankfully it now only comes out in more extreme situations ...for example when I was out riding on my bike, had completed 50km, literally 50m away from the finishing point....panicked at an intersection with a lot of cars around, got a bit overwhelmed, lost control of my bike and fell off, hurt my already wounded knee from the week before, and proceeded to have an anxiety panic attack on the side of the road. At the time it was the worst thing ever, of course within half an hour I don't even know why I was so upset.
It's these sort of situations where I'm right outside of my comfort zone and don't have confidence in myself and my abilities, that I seem to get overwhelmed, get that 'loss of control' feeling and boom, my brain just goes off into meltdown mode. Every success I do experience though, helps build my self belief and self confidence, so I know that one day very soon, this anxiety thing will be a thing of the past and I will have it under control.
This makes it sound like I've had the worst time in the past couple of months, but truth be told I've actually had a lot of fun with my new team and have had some great achievements including my first ever 80km bike ride!!
The challenge now is getting through the next 10 weeks mentally...and controlling my tendency to freak out. I still have to learn how to control and handle my bike better, still have to learn how to ride with clip in pedals, start swimming in open water (never done), get through a couple of massive events and then turn up to that start line in December and complete it.
I can do this.
It is 10 weeks of my life...and it will be my biggest achievement. Totally worth it.
I shall leave you all with these inspirational words....
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